The Next Generation
Acrylic painting on canvas / in black frame (not shown) / $ 450 / 25” by 20”
Will this couple raise their child to think and reason independently or will their prejudices get passed?
____________________________________________
How Do You Talk to a Bigot?
A man must be excessively stupid, as well as uncharitable, who believes there is no virtue but on his own side.
Joseph Addison, The Spectator 243, (8 December 1711).
In high school, one of my teachers asked the class, “ How do you talk to a bigot?” The question stayed with me these many years for I found it tremendously difficult to answer. Examining his query scared me because so many family members and friends spoke out against those not made in their own mold.
In the 1950s and 60s, anti-Semitism was rampant as was hatred towards those of color. When Kennedy sought the presidency, wildly disparaging remarks were made against Irish-Catholics and the Pope. In nightclubs and on television, comics made fun of everyone by calling them Dago, White Trash, Paddy, Mik, Hun, Redskin, Honky, and Chink. The audience laughed. These words were part of common parlance and unflatteringly spoken in living rooms nationwide. Movies reinforced cultural differences by mocking minorities by using character actors who supported common prejudices. During my student years, so many people spouted self-aggrandizing beliefs that put others down that I could not imagine a way to turn their minds and hearts around.
In looking back, I realize that we have come a long way towards overcoming prejudice. No longer do we have segregated bathrooms based on racial identity though we still are not comfortable with sexual deviations. There are no black-faced minstrels dancing like children on stages nor are religious slurs tolerated in the media. Recent events, though, have made me realize that bigotry went underground and has not gone away. Many of us are surprised at the rise of the KKK and Arian Brotherhood who never accepted the idea of the United States as a melting pot of people with diverse backgrounds as an advantage to making the country strong.
Family gatherings are a time that brings to the forefront differences. Some friends complain that family members accept them with smiles to their face but then joke and make racial or sexual slurs when they leave the room. A few of my southern acquaintances mention more overt snubs. With self-righteousness and beliefs in their own superiority, they have relatives who liberally sprinkling sentences with words like faggots and Niggers. Families have been known to break up over such differences.
Bigotry, as defined in Webster’s, is “the stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one’s own.” Ignorance and fear are two powerful allies of bigotry that seem to be on the increase. Bigoted people ignore the reality of diversity and cover themselves with security blankets to suppress their fear. They irrationally discriminate against those who are different and play on emotions rather than logic. Belief is elevated above thought and credence is given to lies before investigation. The possibility of error is beyond their imagination. Yet, their absolute acceptance that they are in the right causes a lot of pain.
So how do you get rid of bigotry? Eliminating bigoted beliefs often means giving up power which makes many people feel uncomfortable. What do you do when family or friends are the ones promoting disparaging statements? How can tolerance be encouraged and ignorance overcome? Is there a possibility for open, honest communication or do you just have to turn away from those who engage in hateful banter?
Doing nothing is not a good enough response for those living in a democratic society. Democracy only thrives when there is open and honest communication, a willingness to compromise, and an agreement to live by consensus or majority agreements.
I have gathered several suggestions on how to respond to a bigot.
1. Speak up to let the person know how you feel about their extremist remarks. Then walk away if racial, ethnic, or religious slurs continue.
2. Find several like-minded people willing meet the offending person at a less emotionally charged time in order to engage in an educational discussion. The meeting can not be confrontational but rather based on shared feelings that speak to fears and prejudices. Facts that counter long-held prejudices will only be heard if the discussion is non-threatening.
3. Decide in advance how important the relationship is to you and if you are willing to leave if the situation can not be resolved? If you come from a household where bigoted behavior was accepted, acknowledge it, but let your family and friends understand that as an adult you have learned to respect others. If your community is not a loving and respectful one, consider moving to one that is.
4. Don’t expect prejudiced people to instantly agree with you, but do expect that in your and your family’s presence offending statements will not continue.
5. Remind yourself that bigotry is not a political issue. It usually is passed on from one uncritical generation to the next. It exists across party, religious and state lines. It is in your backyard and cannot be ignored.
Comments by others to give you pause for thought:
“I ask you to uphold the values of America, and remember why so many have come here. We are in a fight for our principles, and our first responsibility is to live by them. No one should be singled out for unfair treatment or unkind words because of their ethnic background or religious faith.”
George Walker Bush, Freedom and Fear Are at War: Address to a Joint Session of Congress and the American People (20 September 2001).
“Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends.”
Maya Angelou, Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now (1993), p. 12.
“God deliver us all from prejudice and unkindness, and fill us with the love of truth and virtue.”
William Ellery Channing, “Unitarian Christianity”, an address to The First Independent Church of Baltimore (5 May 1819)
“I know a good many people, I think, who are bigots, and who know they are bigots, and are sorry for it, but they dare not be anything else.”
Edwin Hubbell Chapin, Living Words (1869) p. 125
References:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinophobia#Derogatory_terms> – List of derogatory words.
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/bigotry-ignorance-and-fear.html _ About Bigotry
http://www.amnottheonlyone.com/how-to-deal-with-bigotry-among-family-and-friends/ – Bigotry among friends and family.
https://www.splcenter.org/20150126/speak-responding-everyday-bigotry– Southern Poverty Law Center- Speak Yup: Responding to Everyday Bigotry