Category Archives: For Parents

Case for a History Sleuth

Art, education, For Parents, social commentary, , ,

 

  Family in a Turkish Village 

 Acrylic on Canvas/  Black Frame24” x 48” / $690

The Kurds are an ethnic group that spans Turkey, Iran, Iraq and Syria. Historically and linguistically they are classified as belonging to the Iranian people. Since the end of the Ottoman Empire they have been separated by boundaries created by foreign interests. During the 20th century the Kurds regained their voice  and instigated a call for Kurdish nationalism. What is the right path for these people? Who is to decide their future?  And who should take responsibility for upheaval and displacements when they occur?               

Case for a History Sleuth

In the New Reformers (1844) Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “We are students of words: we are shut up in schools and colleges and recitation rooms for ten or fifteen years and come out at last with a bag of wind, a memory of words and we do not know a thing.”

Emerson’s sentiment rings true to me.  I had a difficult time studying history and found the required readings had little relevance to my life.  As a teen, anything that occurred before I was born, was unimportant. My focus was on the present moment and what I would do with the rest of my life. 

This myopic view is not uncommon. What occurred  hundreds of years ago doesn’t matter to most children. One of my grandsons is an exception. His interest in history was actually peaked in school by a teacher that did not require him to memorize dates and battles but inspired him through games and play acting. More likely, though, he likes history because he has been fortunate enough to travel abroad with his family and see remnants of the past for himself. Walking grounds where past civilizations tread or reading letters by eye witnesses can make the past come alive.

Yet, despite visiting ruins and reading about the ancient world, I doubt that teens understand how history influences what is going on in the world today. For most children, the past is represented by storybook tales that have nothing to do with computers, YouTube, cell phones or space exploration. They are enthralled by League of Legends, Minecraft, and Tetris.

A grasp of history is imperative for our leaders but also important for the rest of society. It is not the facts, but the values, mistakes, and influences on the direction human civilization that matters most.  Past events provide avenues for contemplation that test our values and contribute to our sense of identity. 

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it,” said philosopher George Santayana. There is truth in his words. Wars in the United Staes and Europe have often served as breeding grounds for more wars.  After WWII we carved countries into new entities without understanding the ties that previously stabilized the regions. Distrust and ongoing fights within these new borders continue to plague these politically created entities. Men like Napoleon, Stalin, and Mao Tse Tung used war as opportunity for regime change.  Over time their initial good intentions led to dictatorships. When foreign powers intervene in the internal affairs of sovereign states, war becomes protracted. This pattern is repeated time and again throughout the ages. 

How can studying history be made fascinating yet useful? Primitive people used to gather around the fireplace to teach through oral presentations that stimulated emotions. Stories of creation and historical events were combined with moral lessons often animated by dancers and masked actors. Until television, storytellers in were in great demand and commanded respect. Troubadours in the middle ages sang about historical as well as current events. Abraham Lincoln mastered the art of storytelling and spun tales that captured the imagination of his audiences in order to get his point across.  Information is digested more easily when facts  are connected to emotions. Stories help people to remember what is said and provide a way for them to relate to one another.

Another way to teach history is to develop cases that challenge with hidden messages.  Students are asked to become detectives who unravel clues from by gone eras. Facts become illuminated as the past is unravelled and not because it has been presented for memorization. Cases can be entertaining and offer opportunities to observe, interact, and understand human nature. 

Just as forensic experts are scientists who use sleuth-like strategies to solve crimes, case system participants are similarly immersed in the scientific method. They form hypotheses, collect data, analyze it, and report results. The outcome may shed light on a current societal issue and inspire a new hypothesis to be tested that is relevant for today’s.  Using the scientific method as a system for solving  problems can help understand conflicting and confusing data. 

For example, the Supreme Court is often asked to clarify what the signers of the constitution meant when they wrote certain articles. Though it is difficult to put ourselves into a dead person’s mind there are many clues that can help in our analysis. Were the signers religious? Well educated? Family men? What were their professions? Were they wealthy or poor?  And a topic I find most interesting—what happened to the founders later in life because of their earlier involvement? Did you know that that some were considered traitors? Several became bankrupt.  A few had their homes ransacked? 

Change does not happen smoothly as can be seen by many convicts that plague the world today. By studying past revolutions, however, students learn to question and develop insight into the cost of freedom. 

As parents and grandparents it behooves us to help youth become history sleuths. We have an opportunity during vacations to look behind the surface when we take children on trips to parks and historical places. It is our job to teach the next generation how to think.  I do believe we can do a better job of showing them how the past relates to the many conflicts of today.

References:

Clairmont, N. (2017) “Those Who Do Not Learn History are doomed to repeat it. Really? Big Think. retrieved from http://bigthink.com/the-proverbial-skeptic/those-who-do-not-learn-history-doomed-to-repeat-it-really

Do comment below. Your thoughts are meaningful.

Effects of trauma on children

Art, For Parents, Psychology, social commentary

Janna

Acrylic on canvas/ carved gold frame/ 23” by 27”/ $ 599

Janna learned suddenly that the world is not always safe when shooting started while she was enjoying a rock concert in Las Vegas. Fortunately she managed to escape without physical damage but mental scars remain.  She and many of survivors of the tragedy have to contend with with fear,  nightmares, and depression.  She is fortunate to have a loving family and a precious new kitten by her side.

Following is a section from my soon to be published book, Over the Sticker Bush Fence. Trauma is one of many reasons kids take to the streets.   Though I write about homeless youth in America what I say can also be applied to immigrants coming from the Middle East. It helps understand why their many of their children become radicalized. These youth  face many of the same problems as do our own , only they have the added burden of moving to a land with a strange culture.  Their difficulties are compounded by lack of acceptance in school by their peers and by poor job opportunities upon graduation.

Please do not  copy article without permission.

Trauma 

Abuse, violence, and naturally occurring disasters such as war or accidents are trauma producing events as are painful medical procedures and the loss of a loved one. Neglect, verbal put-downs, being treated like a slave, and starvation can lead to a chain of trauma induced reactions. These situations are debilitating, often leading to dysfunctional behavior patterns that affect the youth’s ability to grow into a balanced thoughtful adult.

Sara was in a horrendous boat accident when she was eleven. On a sunny summer day a waterspout developed that suddenly hit the family’s boat from behind. The small craft was capsized and her mother lost a part of a finger as she floated out to sea. Her father’s leg was partially severed while he held on to his daughter by a poorly secured life jacket. The family was fortunately rescued by a passing stranger and taken to a local hospital. After the accident, the girl’s friends started calling her a jinx. Since she was physically fine, her parents did not realize that she needed psychological counseling to get over the incident. The emotional damage of the event stayed hidden and was one of several traumatic instances that led to a mental breakdown at the age of eighteen.

Negligent caretakers, even if naive as in the above case, keep children from developing into strong, healthy adults. Instead of developing confidence, their children grow up feeling that the world is unsafe. They may lose trust in older people and have problems regulating emotions. As they age, they draw into themselves and find it difficult to connect with other people. their own age. As teens they are likely to have conflicts with authority and create unnecessary problems in school, at work or with law enforcement. Romantic relationships and friendships tend to be sparse and unhealthy

The stress from growing up in an abusive environment contributes to impaired brain development, chronic or recurrent physical problems such as headaches, stomach aches, rapid breathing, and heart-pounding. It is not unusual for a traumatized child to self-medicate with drugs, alcohol, and overeating. Some children become hypersensitive and act out inappropriately while others are just the opposite and become disassociated from their senses. Constant anxiety and fear, more often than not, lead to severe depression.

In school, a traumatized child tends to space-out by daydreaming and not paying attention to assignments. Childhood trauma and neglect can affect the child’s ability to learn to read. It is hard to pay attention when your home problems are of more immediate concern than schoolwork. Their wandering minds lose track of time and, in many cases, impulsive behavior replaces rational thought, making the youth unpredictable, volatile, and extreme. Believing they are powerless in the face of adversity, traumatized youth compensate by becoming defensive and acting aggressively when feeling blamed or attacked. A great many move towards high-risk behaviors like self-mutilation, unsafe sex, and high-speed auto races.

Since abused children have difficulty thinking and reasoning clearly, they are unable to plan ahead and anticipate their future. Their fight and flight reactions take precedence over rational thought and problem-solving. Without hope or purpose life has little meaning and is without value. Without the ability to influence their lives, they operate in survival mode.

Though it may take years to turn around negative feelings of self-worth, with the right intervention, it can be done. My friend Caroline shared her up-bringing with me. As a child, she was raised in poverty in a small Appalachian community. Though loved, her young life was traumatized by poverty and illness. As the oldest of five children, she was called on to care for the younger ones and assist her mother in household chores. Daily activities were especially cumbersome, for her mentally unstable mother was hospitalized frequently. When Caroline was in fifth grade, her father developed Tuberculosis (TB) and was hospitalized at the same time her mother was committed to a distant mental hospital. In those days there were limited ways to treat TB and most patients spent years in a sanatorium. The family was without a bread winner facing starvation. At eleven years, Caroline was in charge of her younger brothers and sister.

When the state finally learned of the situation a social worker found Caroline foraging by herself in the woods. She and her siblings were separated by the state, with two boys sent to one orphanage and the two girls to another. Caroline wondered if she would ever see her young brothers again. Describing her feelings of that time she said, “I believed that my family was no good trash. After all, we were poor with no chance of improvement. I thought that since things were so horrible, we must be bad people who got what we deserved. I was sure that I too would come down with TB and suffer from mental illness as I got older. I assumed that all of our misfortunes were inherited.”

Fortunately, Caroline was taken in by a loving couple, both doctors, who dedicated themselves to caring for the homeless children of Appalachia. The two adults were inspirational role models for the young girl. With scarce finances to operate their orphanage but with a big I-can-do infectious attitude, they impacted the lives of thousands of children. Their perseverance and positive outlook attracted help from others in the nearby city of Charlotte. At one point the doctors decided to build a clinic. Without the necessary money to do so, they relied on old fashioned community help by organizing the children and mountain neighbors to help dig river rocks for the building’s foundation. To earn additional revenue, they collected used clothing from wealthy in-town donors and started a thrift shop that is now over fifty years old. Their actions and positive attitude were role models for young Caroline.

Most importantly, they showered her with attention and love. They convinced Caroline that tuberculosis and her mother’s mental state had nothing to do with her. As an adolescent she gained in self-esteem and began to believe that the tragedies she had experienced could be surmounted. Upon graduation from high school, Caroline was awarded a scholarship to college where she studied nursing. She fell in love and married a physician who provided a comfortable home where she became a social force in the community as she raised five children. As they aged she went on to direct a prestigious science center.
Caroline is still attached to the mountains of Appalachia and continues to support the orphanage that helped her become a successful businesswoman. The sister who had accompanied her to the orphanage also flourished under the tutelage of the two doctors. Unfortunately, her brothers did not fare as well in their group home and struggled throughout their lives.

Not only does trauma burden children but it causes economic and political repercussions that carry a high price. Medical, law enforcement, and legal expenses are paid for by the rest of society.

Parents who leave their children alone for long hours, whether due to illness, drugs, or excessive work schedules, are often faced with unexpected consequences. In poor neighborhoods, many children play outside to a combative, primeval atmosphere similar to that described by William Golding in Lord of the Flies. They move about in city jungles without adult guidance, join gangs and exist in a survival mode. They become unruly and unwilling to play by the rule of law, with little regard for the consequences of their actions. These youngsters add to the burdens of our courts, foster care, and juvenile detention systems. Each year, the country incurs between $8-21 billion in long term costs for confining young people.

References:

Larson, S. (1997) Teenage Rebellion. Culture and Youth Studies. retrieved 2017 from http://cultureandyouth.org/troubled-youth/articles-troubled-youth/teenage-rebellion/

(2014) Calculating the Full Price Tag for Youth Incarceration. Justice Policy Institute. retrieved 2017 from http://www.justicepolicy.org/uploads/justicepolicy/documents/sticker_shock_final_v2.pd

Art work is always for sale. Contact me at marilynne@eichingerfineart.com

Do comment on my blog post below. Have  you or your family experienced trauma?

The Innately Rebellious

For Parents, social commentary

Cool Daddy
Acrylic painting by Marilynne and Talik Eichinger/ nfs

The Innately Rebellious

The following passage is taken from the manuscript of Over the Sticker Bush Fence: Scaling Barriers for Homeless and Runaway Youth. In this section I discuss what happens to at-risk teens. Most youth go through tumultuous times in their struggle to become a responsible adult. Without adequate parenting, however, the task is arduous and success is marginal.

From the manuscript. Please do not reproduce without my agreement.

“Teen years are a time for rebellion. The following quote is a reminder from the sages. ‘Our youth now love luxury, they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders, and love to chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.’ According to Plato, it was attributed to Socrates who died in 399 BC. Some things never change.

“Parents try to blend their child’s need for independence with suffering the consequences of their actions. Wanting to make decisions on their own, teens measure success in terms of independence while their parents evaluate it by rightful actions. The Amish know this tumultuous time well, which is why they let their youth participate in Rumspringa, a period of “running around.” Adolescents, especially boys, are allowed to test the waters of freedom before joining the church. Though parents do not encourage their children to be wild, they do turn their eyes from the behavior they view as unacceptable, believing that their youth will outgrow their rebelliousness.

“During Rumspringa, the adventurous may drink and party late into the night, joy ride in cars, wear the latest “worldly” clothing, and attend movies. The more rebellious may even go bar hopping, smoke, dance in nightclubs, and engage in premarital sex. Though their parents (and minister) may have a thing or two to say about their behavior they are not shunned by the church. The Amish believe that by getting rebellion out of their system this period of deviant activity will pass, helping them freely choose to stay within the faith rather than leave permanently for the outside world of the “English.” Most, but not all, do end up returning to their religion and leading responsible lives. Having been grounded in the community’s values since birth, they have absorbed an ethos that is difficult to leave.

“Though the transition from childhood to adulthood may be turbulent for all teens, it is especially difficult for those without adequate adult supervision. In a “caring family,” behavioral guidelines are introduced and practiced throughout childhood. Over the teen years, most parents increase their youth’s opportunities to problem solve and make decisions. In the early stages of their independence, they are monitored, encouraged and discouraged as their behavior dictates. And, as loving parents, they are available to pick their child up if he or she should fall. What attentive parents do, is lead their adolescents toward responsibility and autonomy. Understanding that rebellion is a part of growing up, they learn to work around it.

“According to researcher Joy Dryfoos, the tasks necessary for responsible adulthood include the following:

• Finding self-definition.
• Developing a personal set of values.
• Acquiring competencies necessary for adult roles, such as problem- solving, and decision-making.
• Acquiring competencies necessary for social interaction with parents, peers, and others.
• Achieving emotional independence from parents.
• Becoming able to negotiate between the pressure to achieve and the acceptance of peers.
• Experimenting with a wide array of behaviors, attitudes, and activities.

“At-risk children have the same needs but have to deal with additional difficulties resulting from living in a climate of uncertainty and fear. If they grow up and remain functionally illiterate (the new untouchables) they risk never becoming responsible adults.

“Neglected children lack parental guidance and older family friends willing to intervene when necessary and help them find their way. Left alone, without good role models, they have neither the training nor experience with which to base sound decision-making. Many react instead by joining gangs, engaging in criminal behavior, or getting involved in drugs or prostitution, thereby putting themselves on a course of destruction. If severely depressed, their actions can tragically lead to suicide or dangerous behaviors that could be fatal.

“Those who commit crimes may be removed from their homes and put in foster care or juvenile correctional facilities. Sadly, the criminal justice system is not the place to go to get your life back on course. It tends to narrow options and train delinquents to be more successful at managing life as a criminal. Rather than building job skills and providing a career path forward, correctional facilities tear down what little self-esteem the youth possesses, producing negative consequences.

“Earlier in my manuscript I write of Zach, a young man who survived childhood neglect, poverty, and a family involved with drugs and alcohol abuse. He escaped to the streets and lived by his wits for four years before my partner and I took him into our home.

“It took five years for Zach to become a fully contributing member of society with enough life and work skills to make us believe that he can carry on on his own. He had to learn table manners, proper English, how to communicate his needs, and to manage money. Numerous times he had social and financial problems that required adult intervention. In other instances, we became involved because of a bad decision he made that affected his ability to remain in his training program. Though it was his life, we were there to help him evaluate the consequences of his actions and nudge him towards sound decisions. His issues were emotional, exasperated by not understanding the causes and effect of his behavior. When the slightest thing went wrong he became excessively upset and instantly depressed. He had to learn to relax before he could deal with his problems.

“Just as middle class parents oversee the idiosyncrasies of their children, those counseling troubled youth need to develop individualized treatment plans for each child in their care. Patience and understanding are important attributes for a caregiver to have because progress does not happen in a straight line. Two steps forward and one back is the norm. Since it took years for the youth to choose homelesses an equal amount of time  may be needed to overcome a childhood filled with trauma.

__
Have you ever had to deal with an  adolescent? Most parents experience occasional moments when they wonder what type of alien monster they are raising. Eventually the parent does focus on the problem and seeks ways towards a peaceful resolution that the entire family can live with. When children are neglected, there is no-one at home to care about their behavior and so, unattended they lash out at society.

References:
Complaining of the Youth (2017). The Literature Network. retrieved from http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?17788-Socrates-Plato-Complaining-of-the-Youth

2. Rumspringa (2017).Amish Studies, the Young Center. retrieved from home page http://groups.etown.edu/amishstudies/cultural-practices/rumspringa/

3. Larson, J. (1997). Teenage Rebellion. Culture + Youth Studies. retrieved from http://cultureandyouth.org/troubled-youth/articles-troubled-youth/teenage-rebellion/

4. Dryfoos, J. (1990) Adolescents at Risk, Prevalence And Prevention:. Oxford University Press.

Do comment on my blog site at eichingerfineart.com/blog. What did you do to confront your
unruly teen? What happened to you when you were a youth and acted out?

Art work is always for sale. Contact me at marilynne@eichingerfineart.com.

Without Love, What?

Blog, For Parents, social commentary

Meet the Blockheads

Acrylic on Canvas with glossy polyurethane finish. 26” by 22” / $385/ framed

Without Love, What?

Those fortunate enough to be showered with love during their childhood are likely to become healthy, well adjusted adults.

Without Love, What?

The following passage is taken from the manuscript of Over the Sticker Bush Fence: Scaling Barriers for Homeless and Runaway Youth. In this section I discuss what happens to children who are raised in loveless surroundings. The book is presently under consideration for publication by a well known publisher. It is not too late to comment and I look forward to your insights.

In my naivety, I assumed that love was instinctual and that every newborn, no matter how poor, is a recipient of parental attention. Without some level of care a helpless infant could never survive. But I quickly learned that feelings of responsibility vary from person to person as do emotions elicited by love.

From the manuscript.

“The majority of us are fortunate for we are surrounded by loving parents and relatives. As infants, family members held and cherished us and as adults, we find partners and form bonds based on love and mutual respect. But what happens to children who are never caressed or told that they are special? What are the long-term effects of never having being touched and cuddled? What befalls those children who are physically abandoned, left on door steps or placed in cribs and not attended to when they cry or diapers need changing?”

“A cornerstone study about infant neglect was initiated in the 1980s when Dr. Nathan Fox and colleagues from Harvard Medical School, walked into an orphanage in Romania. Due to a recent ban on abortion, the number of orphan babies had soared. 170,000 children were placed in 700 overcrowded and impoverished facilities across the country, staffed with an insufficient number of caretakers. Though the facilities were clean, the infants were emotionally neglected. Left day and night in their cribs, the babies were changed periodically and fed without being held. The nurseries were eerily quiet places. Since crying infants were ignored, they stopped making sounds. No attention—no cries—only silence.”

“Dr. Fox followed these children for over fourteen years. During the early years of the study, autistic-like behaviors such as head-banging and rocking were common. As the children grew their head circumferences remained unusually small. They had difficulty paying attention and comprehending what was going on around them. Over time, 50 percent of the children suffered from mental illness. They displayed poor impulse control, were socially withdrawn, had problems coping and regulating emotions, and were shrouded in low self-esteem. They manifested pathological behaviors such as tics, tantrums, stealing and self-punishment. Poor intellectual functioning caused them to have low academic success.”

“Those children lucky enough to be put in a caring foster home before the age of two were able to rebound. Unfortunately, those who entered foster care at a later age were not so lucky, for they were permanently damaged.” . . . .

“Without repeated acts of love, a child’s brain doesn’t make the growth hormone needed for proper mental and physical development, leaving the child permanently scarred. Even small insults of shame and rejection can impact a youngster’s ability to develop in a healthy manner. Verbal abuse from adults who say such words as, “I can’t believe you would embarrass me like that,” or “You Idiot! Who do you think you are?” hurt and affect a child’s self-esteem. This type of verbal abuse can lead a child to be cruel to animals, set fires, take drug, and self-withdrawal.”

Parental warmth and love are crucial for a child’s well-being. Writing for Psychology Today, Christopher Bergland concurs that “Toxic childhood stress alters neural responses linked to illness in adulthood.” He writes of a 2013 study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences where researchers examined the effects of abuse and lack of parental affection across the regulatory system. They discovered a biological link between negative experiences early in life and poor health in later years. The brains of unloved, neglected children are permanently affected. Their stress levels are high, setting the stage for elevated cholesterol levels, cardiovascular disease, metabolic syndromes, and other conditions that pose a serious health risks.”

“The study was able to document what most healthy families have always known, that children need to be showered with love and kindness and live in a welcoming environment. Love is what helps youth develop defense mechanisms that provide a buffer from abuse and trauma.”

“A good example of the importance of early love is found in Zach’s story. He was loved as a child even though neglected and at times abused by parents high on drugs and alcohol. That he was occasionally smacked and at times not fed, was not as important in the long-run as knowing he was wanted. He was fortunately part of an extended family that lived nearby, so when the situation became intolerable, he often found shelter with relatives. This early attention sustained him through difficult times and made him able to transition as a caring individual.

“Those growing up without the gift of love are not so fortunate. “Charlie” was left alone in his crib for hours on end. When he cried there was no-one there to pick him up and comfort him so eventually he became silent. His diaper was changed irregularly and rashes developed causing more discomfort. While being fed, a bottle was propped on a pillow by his mouth while he lay still in his crib. He rarely felt the warm arms of a loving adult. He remained listless and grew slowly, learning to sit and crawl months after what was developmentally appropriate for his age. By the age of two, he was more like a one-year-old. Over the years “Charlie” never caught up.”

* * *

Parents, there is no such thing as showering your children with too much love. However, I share a cautionary note. Love is not to be confused with spoiling. It does not equate with letting the child do anything he or she wants to do. Parents are responsible for teaching their children the social and cultural mores of society. There are times when “tough love” is called for in order to instill responsibility. But love may also mean, picking your child up over and over again each time he falls down.

References:

1. Nelson, C. & Fox, N. & Zeanah, C. (2014) Romania’s Abandoned Children, Deprivation, Brain Development, and the Struggle for Recovery, Harvard University Press.

2. Parks, G. (2,000) The High/Scope Perry Preschool Project. U.S. Department of Justice; Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. retrieved from https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/181725.pdf alsoRand Published Study http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RB9145.html

3. Bergland, C.( 2013) Parental Warmth is crucial for a Child’s Well-being. Psychology Today. retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201310/parental-warmth-is-crucial-child-s-well-being

4. Smith, D. Effects: of The Lack of Attachment. Addictive Behavior Counseling School Student Lecture notes. retrieved 2017 from http://www.darvsmith.com/dox/lackofattachment.html

I would love to hear from you. Please comment below.

Artwork is always for sale. Contact me at marilynne@eichingerfineart.com.