A Pretty How Town
How has technology changed the balance of power within the family? The above 3-D painting is based on ee cumming’s poem written in response to cookie cutter suburbs built in the early 60’s. Today another revolution is happening inside the homes of these Pretty How Towns.

The Unsung Revolution
When I hear the word revolution I am not thinking about the Arab Spring or Syria. Instead I am focused on a revolution occurring inside most of my neighbor’s homes. What I have observed is the shift of power from father, to mother, to child. According to Webster’s definition, revolution refers to a fundamental change in power. That transition has definitely occurred within families, for the young dominate the household.

My great-grandparents worked along side their elders on the family farm. After several poor harvests they moved from their rural community outside of Riga, Latvia to Philadelphia, a city teaming with immigrants. To make ends meet their children sold newspapers and shined shoes. Earned income was handed over to their parents to help support their multi-generational family.

My own parent’s changed that pattern by living as a small nuclear unit. My father worked long hours to pay for household expenses while Mom stayed at home, available to chauffeur me to activities around town so I could reach “my potential.” Her word was law when it came to most daily activities. The money I earned from babysitting or being employed as a camp counselor stayed in my hands and was not turned over to support my family.

I behaved in a similar way with my own kids. When my children were under foot my husband worked and I, as suburban mom, drove them to activities and play dates. I made sure that homework was completed on time and that sporting and cultural events were part of their diet. We spent a great deal of face-to-face time together.

Now my children and their friends are parents and they operate in a changed landscape. With single, same sex and two working-parent families their generation has ongoing pressure to juggle daily responsibilities. To keep in touch with their children they rely heavily on electronics, and it is their use of technology that has spurred the latest revolution. Cell phone, text messaging, YouTube and Facebook rule!!! Even email has become cumbersome.

Adults contribute to the technology boom by paying outrageous mobile phone bills and annually upgrading home tablets and computers. By doing so they have inadvertently changed the power structures within their family unit. This article is my way of saying “buyer beware!” Know what is happening with your kin and learn how to manage both good and bad consequences.

In a seminar conducted by anthropologist Jan English-Luck titled “Technology and Social Change: The Effects on Family and Community,” results he collected from interviewing Silicon Valley families were shared with the audience. A typical story he related is illustrated by Sharon, a mother who is in constant contact with her children through computer and mobile phone. Dr. English-Luk claims that Sharon’s children feel safer, stay out longer and are more independent than earlier generations since they are in constant contact. Yet the family no longer operates as a unit. The only time parent and children were physically together over a two week period was when the anthropologist visited their home for an interview.

Today’s youth text in short blips rather than communicate more fully by phone or in person. Since texting is limited, it is rare that the entire story gets through. Voices portray emotion and face-to-face encounters give non-verbal cues that transmit between-the-line messages. Through texting it is possible to discover the location of your child, assuming that he is truthful, but you will never know what he or she thinking. Full descriptions of situations and events are rarely given. Gone are opportunities to develop verbal communication skills needed for future employment. And because letter writing and now e-mails are also becoming obsolete, the written word is suffering as well.

Benefits of cell phone use are many . . . contact, entertainment, safety, wellness help, and photography. But the hazards are also many. With the introduction of smart phones, parents started working around the clock answering texts and emails. Instead of paying attention to their children while at home they often find their mind wandering to the latest business or social communication. Conversations between family members are interrupted by a constant stream of incoming calls and messaging.

Since technology is the root cause of this power shift it is not surprising that role reversal occurs when the child knows how to use a new gadget better than the adult. When parents do not fully understand a device’s potential they find it difficult to control it’s use and as a result are faced with a host of new problems.    I’ll mention a few:

Bullying and harassment: text messages increasingly are sent by bullies
Memory: Use of cell phones is destroying short term memory.
Eye strain and digital thumb stress: Heavy use puts children at risk for early myopia.
Bacteria – Devices are not cleaned and are crawling with germs.
Sleep disorders – Teens tend to keep their phone on and are awaked during the night by incoming text messages.
Reliance – Impacts daily routine.
Dishonesty (39% of users 18-29 are not always honest about their location) they find it easy to cheat on tests.
Cost – Parents have sticker shock.
Health risks – Question of brain damage still unresolved.

Yes, technology is great and not going away! It is wonderful to have a computer for researching papers, scheduling activities, staying in touch with the news, finding directions and even getting gossip through one minute news blasts. Mobile devices can be helpful additions if precautions about their use and costs are taken into account and rules of etiquette established.

But it is good to remember that educating a child and maintaining relationships with family members still requires personal interaction. Face-to-face communication can not be replaced by gadgetry. Electronic transfer of information does not take the place of a hug or chat in the warmth of your home.

Staying in control rather than being controlled by your children requires both time and patience. Keeping parental power is the main way to pass on your values. To be a respected boss it is important to be on the job.

For more information about children and cell phone use go to:

http://www.aboutourkids.org/articles/kids_cell_phones_staying_connected – kids and cell phone use.