Julia 25” by 36”/ Acrylic on Canvas / $ 425 Resting from a day job, housework and chauffeuring children, she considers the pile of requests and applications to teachers, healthcare providers, camps and colleges that remain piled on her desk.
For the Love of Kids
Eight senior managers were employed to help me run OMSI. Though all were married, only one beside me had children. Four interacted with kids on a regular basis while the remaining mangers handled the business of running a large institution. All were committed and worked tirelessly to ensure the museum’s success.
It surprised me that adults interested in educating children did not want to become parents. Several mentioned concern about overpopulation, but most wanted freedom to immerse themselves in work, travel and other interests.
I realized they were happily engaged in what they were doing, but privately thought they were missing out on the most important part of life. As they near retirement, I wonder if they still believe they made the right choice. I worry about their a safety net for end of life needs.
Though they have adequate resources to enter comfortable retirement facilities, who will visit? Who will take the time time to hear their stories, shower them with love and mourn when they are no longer alive.
Before the nineteenth century, children were important to their parent’s welfare. They worked on the family’s farm, were sent into mines at the age of thirteen or took after-school jobs carrying groceries. In old age, their children took care of them.
The economic value of children decreased with transformation from an agrarian to urban society. Medical advances led to a decline in childhood mortality rates. Since fewer children were needed for economic reasons, birth rates declined.
At the same time, cost of raising their offspring increased. Schooling added to the family’s expenses for children have to be fed, clothed, enrolled in after-school activities and provided with an indoor place to study. Children, once treated as property, were given entitlements. Parents became more egalitarian, friendlier and less strict. Motherhood began to lose its value.
The government demanded an ever-larger share of earnings in the form of taxes. As usable income declined, both parents had to work to make ends meet. Children were a hardship to exhausted couples embroiled in debt. Divorce rates escalated, adding to the burden of single parents. According to 2017 consumer expenditure statistics, the average cost to raise a child through age 17 is $284,570.
Approximately 67 percent of women decide as teenagers to have two children and, by and large, do so, even though they view motherhood as an overwhelming commitment. 15 percent of American women never experience motherhood. Free from child-care responsibility, they peruse careers, travel and socialize. Women were given freedom to work while men benefited by having freedom from work.
Judged negatively, those who do not choose parenthood are pressured by family and friends. Over time, many become concerned about their lack of forming a love-bond with a child. They may be successful in their jobs, have financial security, but become bored by chasing happiness. This is seen in a 6 percent upswing of people over 40 becoming parents. Children start to be viewed as the legacy they hope to leave behind, the minds they hope to mold to their way of thinking.
Childless couples also consider their legacy, but rather than through parenthood, they pursue it through art, science, religion or career. Friendship and professional networks are developed as a substitute to having a young family. And, childless couples claim to be just as satisfied with their lives as parenting women (except for teen moms).
Yet, I still maintain that childless couples miss out on life’s greatest pleasure. Following are thoughts about what children mean to me.
1. Children keep alive my thirst for knowledge. I relearned math, history and literature as my children went through school. By the time they were adults, their opinions often challenged my beliefs and helped me adapt to change.
2. They make me happy. When they give me a kiss, tell me they love me or say positive things, everything seems right in the world.
3. When young, they kept me involved in healthy activities. Taking them to museums, zoos, water parks and on hikes took me far away from stress.
4. They kept me alert, for they acted in surprising ways that often involved problem solving. If they needed a science fair project their father or I became involved. I was both a booster and cheerleader enabling them to take risks, overcome difficulties and act creatively.
5. They keep me laughing. Starting in infancy, their big smiles, giggles and oft-times crazy antics made me smile and laugh. Jumping on a trampoline, trying to free a frisbee caught in a tree and winning at scrabble were happy times. They continue sending emails that make me laugh.
6. My children taught me to see more clearly. I will never forget when my 9 month old son saw snow for the first time. The expression on his face wrapped me in the beauty and mystery of the moment as though I too was seeing it for the first time.
7. The occasionally provided me with an alibi for getting out of something I didn’t want to do. I shamelessly used their slightest sniffle as a reason for staying home.
9. Children gave our family tax savings which was important, for their costs were great.
10. Lastly, my children kept me sane, contrary to the belief that most will drive you crazy. The crazy part was momentarily while the sanity was long lasting. I had to rise to the occasion of being a dependable presence who loved them unconditionally and appreciated their accomplishments.
As a mother, I never asked about the purpose of life or whether what I was doing was worthwhile. I knew in my heart and soul that it was. Inspiring thoughtful, happy, creative children who contribute to bettering society, was the most important thing I could do.
References
Perry, S. (2014) Children aren’t worth very much —that’s why we no longer make many. Family Values. retrieved from https://qz.com/231313/children-arent-worth-very-much-thats-why-we-no-longer-make-many/
Khazan, O. (2017) How People Decide Whether to Have Children. The Atlantic. retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/05/how-people-decide-whether-to-have-children/527520/
Lino, M. (2017) The Cost of Raising a Child. Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion report in Food and Nutrition. retrieved from https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child
(2012) Common myths about having a child later in life. CBS News. retrieved from https://www.cbsnews.com/media/common-myths-about-having-a-child-later-in-life/