For the past three years, I’ve been grandma to two African-American children whose parents immigrated from Ethiopia and Somalia. We meet weekly to do art and science projects, read, and take excursions in area parks. The escalation of Omicron brought a halt to my visits. Until we can meet again outside, I have to be wary because they attend school unvaccinated. But, I do miss them. They are a large part of my life.
As I often do when bothered, I escape to my studio. In this instance, I made a painting of the girls showing them wearing masks made at Halloween. I find figurative paintings difficult, but in this case, I persevered. Looking back, I realized that painting them was cathartic. It provided a way to give vent to emotions without languishing and becoming depressed.
Out of the Doldrums
Languishing: a) To be or become feeble, weak, or enervated b) to be or Iive in a state of depression or decreasing vitality c) to become dispirited or suffer neglect
Catharsis :a) the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions
While having my hair cut this week, I asked the stylist how many of her customers she would label as languishing. After thinking for a while, she answered, “about a third.” That’s a lot, I thought, wondering why so many. We both agreed that the Omicron variant was making a large number of people feel dispirited, bored, and without hope. Those who put dreams, activities, and family visitations on hold, were finding it most difficult to deal with repeating waves of viral infections.
“But, what about the two-thirds who don’t feel that way?” I asked. “What’s different about them?” The question led to a lively discussion of emotions and the tools people have to heal and keep themselves sane. This led to the importance of ingrained curiosity, and the role music, dance, and the visual arts play in people’s lives..
My hairdresser, an accomplished dancer, and choreographer said that she releases her emotions daily through movement dance. Unlike repetitive exercises, the way she moves varies with her mood. Feeling the music helps her express happy, sad, and angry emotions that send messages outwards so audiences will feel them too. She stays motivated by having an outlet for her creativity that at the same time is cathartic. It gives her purpose and passion.
It is those two tools, purpose and passion, that help people avoid languishing. “How do I get there, you may ask?” My answer is basic. It starts with a hungry mind. Curious people are not prone to languishing—they’re too busy asking questions and tracking down answers.
Curiosity is a state of arousal. It is energizing when stimulated, and it tends to snowball as one thing leads to another. As Annie Paul says, it “is the engine of intellectual achievement—it’s what drives us to keep learning, keep trying keep pushing forward.” When you find a gap in your knowledge, curious people feel deprived and are motivated to obtain the missing information to eliminate the feeling of deprivation.
Curiosity doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It starts with something about which you have some knowledge but want to know more. It primes the pump as George Lowenstein wrote in “The Psychology of Curiosity,” and sets in motion ways to fill the gap. Researching a topic online or in-person isn’t enough. Communicating findings is equally as important, for it adds different perspectives from friends and coworkers and leaves the participant curious to know more.
So what can you do if you are languishing? Look at the houses you pass by as you take your daily walk and imagine what type of people live inside. What personality does it take to purchase a contemporary as opposed to a classical home? If you see them outside, get into a conversation to see if the house matches their personality.
Keep the phrase “I wonder if…” at the top of your mind. Look for novelty, something new to keep you stimulated—a game, a class, a book club, a lecture, listening to a new piece of music. Make predictions and then follow up to see if they come true. Get your hands dirty. Try doing instead of observing. Make art, woodwork, play an instrument, experiment with vegan recipes. A man I know retired and took voice lessons. He now composes and writes music for his own pleasure and that of his friends. Another person I met was interested in geodes. For his own amusement, he set up a saw in his backyard to cut them in half. Now he has dozens of saws working day in night and his lawn is filled with fossilized wood and rocks waiting to be cut for people wanting slabs.
Most of all—whether you have one year left to live or sixty, ask yourself who you are, who you want to be, and how to get there. Life is before you, not in the past. It is up to you to make every minute count.
References:
Stulberg,B. (2021)Languishing and the Art of Showing up. the Growth Equation. retrieved from https://thegrowtheq.com/languishing-and-the-art-of-showing-up/
Paul, Annie, (2013) How to Stimulate Curiosity. Psychology, Time Magazine. retrieved from https://ideas.time.com/2013/04/15/how-to-stimulate-curiosity/
Straker,D. (website) Creating Curiosity. Changing Minds. retrieved from http://changingminds.org/explanations/motivation/creating_curiosity.htm
Please comment below. Are you languishing or are your energized? What factors in your life keep you on the go?