PARENTING: Rope them in and keep them tight
The Wall Street Journal recently featured an article that made me laugh. Every Friday and Saturday morning, hundreds of parents gather in a hilltop park in Chongqing, in southwestern China. In English, it’s called a marriage market—a matchmaking fair where mostly retirees hunt for spouses for their adult children.
The parents carry paper “resumés” that double as dating profiles. Alongside standard details like gender, height, and occupation, they list what their children want in a partner—and what they don’t. They even include information that would be taboo in the U.S., such as weight, income, and whether the parents receive pensions. Photos are optional. Some attendees are professional matchmakers who flip through notebooks filled with dozens of proposals.
The consensus among them? Today’s young adults simply aren’t interested in settling down. Many women, in particular, refuse to give up careers to become full-time “education moms” with soccer vans. They want independence—not domestic servitude or financial dependence on unfaithful husbands.
When mothers try to help, the advice can be unintentionally comical. At a workshop for single women, attendees were told that when asked about hobbies, they should reply with three things: cooking, flower arranging, and traveling with their mothers. I can’t imagine any American woman saying that with a straight face.
Marriage in China is changing—just as it has in the U.S. In 2024, a nation of 1.4 billion people registered only 6.1 million marriages, about 4.35 per 1,000 people. By comparison, the U.S. saw 2.36 million marriages in 2023, a temporary rebound to 6.2 per 1,000 after the pandemic backlog—but still far below the 2011 rate of 16.3 per 1,000.
For traditional Asian parents, marriage remains essential for many reasons:
- It honors parents by continuing the family line.
- It ensures children won’t grow old alone or unsupported.
- It maintains social harmony through stable households.
- It protects against gossip and social stigma.
- It secures future grandchildren to carry on the name.
Even the Chinese government worries about the nation’s declining birthrate and aging population. But changing values have created a widening generation gap. Younger adults prioritize career, independence, and emotional compatibility over early marriage. Their reluctance has fueled the very rise of these marriage markets, which their parents now frequent.
The U.S. went through this transition decades earlier. A recent Pew Research Center survey found that among unmarried adults ages 18–24, 73% feel little or no pressure to marry, and 67% aren’t pressured to have children. American parents now emphasize financial independence, education, and career success over marriage and family. From what I’ve read, China’s next generation of parents may soon adopt a similar outlook.
The trend toward fewer marriages and smaller families spans nearly all economically developed nations. My own theory about why this is occurring is unconventional: perhaps this isnature’s way of healing itself. With the global population straining resources, and pollution and climate change worsening, the Earth may be quietly encouraging balance—fewer people, fewer demands, a chance to recover.
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I look forward to your comments.
I started an inexpensive series of abstract paintings about life. Did your parents push you into marriage or having children? Do you push your own adult children to do the same? See what it looks like in a room and purchase online delivered https://www.eichingerfineart.com/workszoom/6292511/parenting#/
