Curious Cat

Men are told to be providers, but what happens when the job disappears?Women in their mid-20s are storming into the workforce at historic rates. Men? They’ve stalled out for more than a decade. One in four fathers lives apart from his kids. And deaths of despair, overdoses, alcoholism, and suicide affect men at triple the rate of women.

Instead of addressing this crisis, some politicians mock women as “childless cat ladies” and tell men their masculinity depends on how they vote. Shockingly, the tactic works: in the last election, young men under 30 shifted sharply to the right.

Masculinity on the Brink                                                                                                             
For decades, feminism has broken barriers and redefined what women can be. However, while women expanded their roles, men’s definition remained stuck to that of a provider. According to the 2025 State of American Men Report, most Americans, men and women, still define manhood in economic terms. For men who can’t fill that role, the fallout is brutal: shame, depression, sometimes suicide. Gen Z men, facing unstable work, are especially vulnerable.

Meanwhile, toughness and self-reliance are instilled in children early on by parents, peers, and the media. Vulnerability is punished. Violence is normalized. And when life doesn’t measure up, resentment festers. By 2025, 38% of men said someone had told them they weren’t a “real man,” up from 29% just two years earlier. That’s a lot of wounded pride waiting to be weaponized.

The Politics of Manhood                                                                                                              
The Pew Research Center found that nearly half of Republican men believe society looks down on masculinity, compared to only one in five Democratic men. Yet the public isn’t clamoring for “toxic” behavior. Three-quarters of Americans say it’s not acceptable for men to talk about women sexually. Nearly 70% disapprove of men having multiple casual partners. Two-thirds reject heavy drinking or fighting as signs of manhood.

Here’s the contradiction: while society moves past outdated masculine norms, young men feel ignored. Sixty-nine percent say, “No one cares if men are okay.” Their pain makes them easy prey for movements that channel frustration into grievance. Many grow skeptical of feminism and the LGBTQ movement, even as most are for diversity and say men and women deserve equal opportunities.

What I’ve Seen Up Close                                                                                                             
I’ve watched this struggle firsthand. At a music festival, I set up a booth called Do You Need a Mother? Dozens of men lined up-not joking, but desperate for someone to listen. Later, as a Lay Minister at the First Unitarian Church, I sat with middle-aged men crushed by dead-end jobs and retirees drifting into depression once their careers ended. These weren’t anomalies. They were symptoms of a larger problem: a culture that gives men too few tools to redefine themselves.

On the positive side, I watched as my youngest son, who attended Benson Poly-Tech High School, learned to use woodworking, metalworking, and welding tools. As an adult, these skills continue to enrich and add meaning to life outside of work. He values himself as a person with broad interests who is not one-sided. And when something goes wrong at work, he has something to fall back on.

A Way Forward”Traditional masculinity-marked by stoicism, competitiveness, dominance, and aggression-is, on the whole, harmful,” Psychology Today warns. Men raised this way are less likely to take care of themselves, less likely to reach for help, and more likely to self-destruct. But the answer isn’t shaming men or undoing women’s progress. It’s broadening the script. That means:

• Teaching boys emotional skills early. Vulnerability isn’t weakness-it’s survival.
• Normalizing paternity leave. Fathers who take it form stronger bonds with their children for life.
• Hiring more male teachers. Boys need to see men model care, curiosity, and patience-not just toughness.
• Reviving hands-on courses. Shop, art, music, cooking, gardening, and sports. These activities develop skills that bring pride and purpose beyond a paycheck and can be called upon throughout life.

These changes may seem small, but they create lifelines. They give men ways to build an identity beyond money or muscle. Toxic masculinity isn’t a buzzword; it’s a public health crisis. As work shifts from brawn to brains, clinging to outdated definitions will only leave more men stranded. The solutions don’t require erasing women’s gains. They require giving men space to redefine masculinity in healthier, more sustainable ways. Men deserve to take pride in who they are, not just in what they earn, how tough they act, or how many votes they deliver.

Because if we don’t get this right, we won’t just lose a generation of men. We’ll lose the future they could help build. As a writer, I explore the complexities of human dynamics. You can read my books on AMAZON at https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Marilynne+EIchinger&i=stripbooks&crid

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Do you or a man you know suffer from a lack of meaningful work? I look for your comments below.

Curious Cat Emerging is part of a private collection and is not for sale. I included it because it represents a wholesome outlook. It behooves us to be curious and throw off the things that hold us back. Paintings for sale are available through my website at https://www,ekchingerfineart.com

For questions, contact me at marilynne@eichingerfineart.com/

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References:

Whalen, E (2025). Are Men OK? The Nation.Retrieved from https://www.thenation.com/article/society/richard-reeves-profile/

Illing, S.(2023) The New Crisis of Masculinity. VOX. Retrieved from https://www.vox.com/the-gray-area/23813985/christine-emba-masculinity-the-gray-area

Little, N. (2025) The State of American Men is Not So Good. The 19th Newsletter. Retrieved from https://19thnews.org/2025/06/american-men-struggles-isolation-financial-pressure/

Drevitch, G. (2020) Is Masculinity in Crisis? If so, What should be Done? Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/202006/is-masculinity-in-crisis-if-so-what-should-be-done

Horowitz, J. & Parker, K. (2024) How Americans See Men and Masculinity. Pew Research Center. Retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2024/10/17/how-americans-see-men-and-masculinity/