FACES
mixed media on canvas / 24 x 29” x 2” / $ 450
Good relationships are trick and must be nurtured. They survive because of respect and caring. Violence and rape have no place.

Changing Mores Sexual

The outcry over sexual abuse and harassment has finally been heard throughout the country. “Let it not let it happen again,” is the mantra. And, so old wounds of the past are now willingly being dragged through the media to be relived in the hope of putting this ugliness to bed. Hopefully the actions of brave speaking victims will have a lasting effect, though I must admit to having doubts around power politics. Some predators manage to hold on to their positions despite their despicable behaviors while others, who acknowledge wrong doings with humility and have changed have had to step down.

Are we doing democracy a service by holding so many men accountable in the court of public approval rather than the judicial system? I realize that none of the claims can not be ignored, and that most may be justified . . . but not all. Should those acting in accord with the mores of their adolescent years and have since mended their ways receive equal punishment with rapists, pedophiles, and those using power positions to seduce the young?

Do we treat men who patted a fanny, groped a breast, or kissed an unwilling face as we do one who drugged, molested children, or raped? Not long ago our men lived in a society that ignored these types of behaviors. Old men like George Bush Sr. were seen as harmless when they pinched their nurse. As children they had been taught that chauvinism was simply a manly way to tease those they desired. Sexual harassment and the way men and women acted towards Black Americans was on an equal par.

Last week, I found a get well card buried in a box of letters that were mailed to me in the late 1950s. The card had an image of a young black girl speaking in a way that would horrify anyone today. However, during that pre-civil rights era, such pictures were socially acceptable. Should the person who sent this card be judged by today’s standards? Should he lose his job? face consequences because of the way white society thought in the past? Should I, as receiver, have been insulted? Are either of us bad today for having seen the message sent in ’58 as cute? I do not believe we are terrible people, for once the damage caused by such images was explained, we became sensitized. No longer would such a card be an acceptable. This new awakening was then carried forward to the next generation. Culturally acceptable norms were changed.

So too, in matters of sexual harassment. In 1953 Playboy Magazine featured Marilyn Monroe in its first issue. Hugh Hefner and his clubs were popular places for both men and women to go for a drink and entertainment. Hefner was considered a visionary editor accepted by much of society. The 1960’s was a period of profound societal changes in a growing sexual revolution. With the spread of birth control pills and penicillin to fight diseases like syphilis, attitudes towards sex became increasingly permissive, even weakening marriage boundaries.

Though the era also heralded in the women’s movement, men and as well as women were confused about their roles. The revolution had negative as well as positive features for though promised sexual freedom and liberation, women increasingly found themselves victims of rape and oppression. Some men, feeling emasculated, tried to assert their claim to being the strong, superior bread winner to whom the weaker sex owed allegiance. Having lived through these times, I can attest to the fact that it was exciting yet confusing, flirtatious yet risky. It is not surprising that many women became victims for we did not know how to act.

As we consider important steps taken on behalf of traumatized victims, let us proceed wisely. Rape, drugs, violence, pedophilia can never be tolerated. But there are gray areas that impel us to move cautiously to not wreck a good person’s career. Once the individual has acknowledged past mistakes and demonstrated change there can be room for forgiveness. It behooves us to teach young women and boys about predatory ways, so they are not naive and can firmly, politely and swiftly put an end unwanted approaches. Though difficult, we need to have conversations with our children to help them better evaluate flirtations and to know behavioral boundaries so that one person’s will will not be forced on another.

Consequences from abuse make victims feel vulnerable and insecure, two emotions that can last a lifetime. I know this well, for I too was raped by a powerful man. Fortunately, the current turmoil is a chance to grow and learn better ways for men and women to communicate. Let’s not turn the past into a political travesty that backfires but move forward by changing minds.