Cool Daddy
Acrylic painting by Marilynne and Talik Eichinger/ nfs

The Innately Rebellious

The following passage is taken from the manuscript of Over the Sticker Bush Fence: Scaling Barriers for Homeless and Runaway Youth. In this section I discuss what happens to at-risk teens. Most youth go through tumultuous times in their struggle to become a responsible adult. Without adequate parenting, however, the task is arduous and success is marginal.

From the manuscript. Please do not reproduce without my agreement.

“Teen years are a time for rebellion. The following quote is a reminder from the sages. ‘Our youth now love luxury, they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders, and love to chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.’ According to Plato, it was attributed to Socrates who died in 399 BC. Some things never change.

“Parents try to blend their child’s need for independence with suffering the consequences of their actions. Wanting to make decisions on their own, teens measure success in terms of independence while their parents evaluate it by rightful actions. The Amish know this tumultuous time well, which is why they let their youth participate in Rumspringa, a period of “running around.” Adolescents, especially boys, are allowed to test the waters of freedom before joining the church. Though parents do not encourage their children to be wild, they do turn their eyes from the behavior they view as unacceptable, believing that their youth will outgrow their rebelliousness.

“During Rumspringa, the adventurous may drink and party late into the night, joy ride in cars, wear the latest “worldly” clothing, and attend movies. The more rebellious may even go bar hopping, smoke, dance in nightclubs, and engage in premarital sex. Though their parents (and minister) may have a thing or two to say about their behavior they are not shunned by the church. The Amish believe that by getting rebellion out of their system this period of deviant activity will pass, helping them freely choose to stay within the faith rather than leave permanently for the outside world of the “English.” Most, but not all, do end up returning to their religion and leading responsible lives. Having been grounded in the community’s values since birth, they have absorbed an ethos that is difficult to leave.

“Though the transition from childhood to adulthood may be turbulent for all teens, it is especially difficult for those without adequate adult supervision. In a “caring family,” behavioral guidelines are introduced and practiced throughout childhood. Over the teen years, most parents increase their youth’s opportunities to problem solve and make decisions. In the early stages of their independence, they are monitored, encouraged and discouraged as their behavior dictates. And, as loving parents, they are available to pick their child up if he or she should fall. What attentive parents do, is lead their adolescents toward responsibility and autonomy. Understanding that rebellion is a part of growing up, they learn to work around it.

“According to researcher Joy Dryfoos, the tasks necessary for responsible adulthood include the following:

• Finding self-definition.
• Developing a personal set of values.
• Acquiring competencies necessary for adult roles, such as problem- solving, and decision-making.
• Acquiring competencies necessary for social interaction with parents, peers, and others.
• Achieving emotional independence from parents.
• Becoming able to negotiate between the pressure to achieve and the acceptance of peers.
• Experimenting with a wide array of behaviors, attitudes, and activities.

“At-risk children have the same needs but have to deal with additional difficulties resulting from living in a climate of uncertainty and fear. If they grow up and remain functionally illiterate (the new untouchables) they risk never becoming responsible adults.

“Neglected children lack parental guidance and older family friends willing to intervene when necessary and help them find their way. Left alone, without good role models, they have neither the training nor experience with which to base sound decision-making. Many react instead by joining gangs, engaging in criminal behavior, or getting involved in drugs or prostitution, thereby putting themselves on a course of destruction. If severely depressed, their actions can tragically lead to suicide or dangerous behaviors that could be fatal.

“Those who commit crimes may be removed from their homes and put in foster care or juvenile correctional facilities. Sadly, the criminal justice system is not the place to go to get your life back on course. It tends to narrow options and train delinquents to be more successful at managing life as a criminal. Rather than building job skills and providing a career path forward, correctional facilities tear down what little self-esteem the youth possesses, producing negative consequences.

“Earlier in my manuscript I write of Zach, a young man who survived childhood neglect, poverty, and a family involved with drugs and alcohol abuse. He escaped to the streets and lived by his wits for four years before my partner and I took him into our home.

“It took five years for Zach to become a fully contributing member of society with enough life and work skills to make us believe that he can carry on on his own. He had to learn table manners, proper English, how to communicate his needs, and to manage money. Numerous times he had social and financial problems that required adult intervention. In other instances, we became involved because of a bad decision he made that affected his ability to remain in his training program. Though it was his life, we were there to help him evaluate the consequences of his actions and nudge him towards sound decisions. His issues were emotional, exasperated by not understanding the causes and effect of his behavior. When the slightest thing went wrong he became excessively upset and instantly depressed. He had to learn to relax before he could deal with his problems.

“Just as middle class parents oversee the idiosyncrasies of their children, those counseling troubled youth need to develop individualized treatment plans for each child in their care. Patience and understanding are important attributes for a caregiver to have because progress does not happen in a straight line. Two steps forward and one back is the norm. Since it took years for the youth to choose homelesses an equal amount of time  may be needed to overcome a childhood filled with trauma.

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Have you ever had to deal with an  adolescent? Most parents experience occasional moments when they wonder what type of alien monster they are raising. Eventually the parent does focus on the problem and seeks ways towards a peaceful resolution that the entire family can live with. When children are neglected, there is no-one at home to care about their behavior and so, unattended they lash out at society.

References:
Complaining of the Youth (2017). The Literature Network. retrieved from http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?17788-Socrates-Plato-Complaining-of-the-Youth

2. Rumspringa (2017).Amish Studies, the Young Center. retrieved from home page http://groups.etown.edu/amishstudies/cultural-practices/rumspringa/

3. Larson, J. (1997). Teenage Rebellion. Culture + Youth Studies. retrieved from http://cultureandyouth.org/troubled-youth/articles-troubled-youth/teenage-rebellion/

4. Dryfoos, J. (1990) Adolescents at Risk, Prevalence And Prevention:. Oxford University Press.

Do comment on my blog site at eichingerfineart.com/blog. What did you do to confront your
unruly teen? What happened to you when you were a youth and acted out?

Art work is always for sale. Contact me at marilynne@eichingerfineart.com.